I really just couldn't work up the enthusiasm to do research and write a big thing today. It was supposed to be on the symbolism of numbers. Maybe I'll revisit that at a later date. For now, ten random facts about myself.
01. For a long time, I've wanted the last name "Momochi". I don't know why, other than I think, it just sounds really cool. Alecia Momochi. Yeah, that's it...
02. As far as I can track, I have had something go wrong, at least temporarily, with every organ in my body, except my spleen. Because of this, I am a little obsessed with my spleen; and I'm terrified that one day, it will fail, and I'll end up in a tower with a sniper rifle. It's a good thing I can't see well enough to hit the broad side of a barn.
03. When I was little, my favorite toy was a talking J.J. Walker doll ("Good Times"). I carried it everywhere until it literally fell apart. I would love to get another one of those dolls, but they are hard to find and expensive when you do find them.
04. When I was a teenager, I got the mumps, because the vaccine I had as a child was inert. I spent two weeks laying flat on my back, so it wouldn't spread, watching "Thundercats" and MTV. My mother utilized an excellent home remedy, where you tie a bandanna around the jaws and put fat back in it, against the effected area. Something about the fat and the salt really do a great job pulling out swelling. I have to say though, it does not make you feel any less miserable when you are so sick with the mumps, are stuck on your back for two weeks, are barely able to eat, and then have warm fat back tied to your face. When it was all said and done, I had to get the vaccine over again, so I wouldn't get measles or rubella, and it made me very sick.
05. Since I was in my early teens, I have had a reoccurring, very realistic dream about being a male sailor, standing on the deck of a battleship of some kind. I have my back to the sea, when something on the ship explodes, and I am thrown back into the water. I can see what it happening, but I can't hear or move; and I slowly sink, watching the silhouette of the ship's bottom against the sky. That's where I wake up.
06. One of my biggest fears is that eventually everyone will begin treating me badly. This is partly paranoia and partly bad experiences; but it does tend to happen quite often. This is probably because of the people I attract and the way I withdraw when I'm afraid I see it beginning to happen. I've tried to stop fearing this, but it seems to be in the base roots of my brain.
07. I'm constantly thrown into the role of the negotiator or the go between. I hate being shoved in this position, but it seems like things will crash and burn if I don't just accept it.
08. My social skills are not good, and I maintain an appearance of success by watching the queues of those around me to guess how I'm expected to react. I've often been told by friends that they can tell when I'm doing this, but they obviously cannot. There are very few people I can be around without doing this. Other than with these people, I feel like the only time I can be myself is when I talk to people online.
09. I have a tremendous amount of anxiety about food. First, I cannot stand to let food go to waste, and I will eat leftovers every meal for two days, just to make sure none of it is thrown away.
Second, I have rules pressed upon me by my brain about what is Ok to eat and what is not. Even though I love it, I can't eat that vegetable pasta if it has the red pasta in it, because when it's cooked, it looks too much like flesh. I can't eat eggs unless the yolks are completely cooked. I can't eat sausage at all. When I'm having a bad episode with BPD, the anxiety becomes so severe that everything begins to look contaminated; and I will go days without eating.
10. I love potatoes. I know, I'm half Irish, so it's a stereotype; but I really love potatoes. Unless my food anxiety is very bad, I can always eat potatoes. I love them in almost every preparation and have even been known to eat some raw. Yep, I love potatoes. Please note, I also really like buffalo. I know; I know. It's another racial stereotype...
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